Big Transitions: Cross-Country Move
About two months ago, my boyfriend and I (and our puppy!) embarked on an exciting adventure. We decided that even though we loved the cozy life we had built in California, we were both ready for new challenges and experiences. So with as much planning and organizing as we could handle, we packed up and moved to Boston.
After a couple of months here on the east coast, I’m ready to trade in all of the new challenges and experiences for a little familiarity and peace. But unfortunately, I am smack dab in the middle of this major life change. So instead of running back to the life that was familiar, but (okay, I admit it) a little monotonous, I’ve decided to jump in with both feet to create a new life that is just as wonderful on the east coast… and one that fits me a little better, too.
Are you in the middle of a major life transition? If so, here are a couple of things to keep in mind to help you through the difficult times:
- Remind yourself that this is a PHASE. Big life changes often leave us feeling out of whack, like the rug has been pulled out from under us. Even when the change is good, we can feel as though things will never be normal again. And as creatures of habit, we tend to want things to go back to the way they were, just because it’s familiar. But if we did that, nothing in our lives would ever change or improve. Just remember to put one foot in front of the other, try to relax and give yourself time to create a new routine. Things will get easier, I promise.
- Ease up on the high expectations. Just the other day, I wrote out a list of all of the things I had to take care of. It was over 2 pages long! I about cried. So instead of planning to check every item on that list off by the end of the week (my original plan), I decided to give myself a month or two instead. Having so many things on my mind created a lot of stress. But on the other hand, my own expectations seemed to be causing the most stress of all. So now I just take care of the one or two items that seem to be the most important that day, and then repeat my trusty mantra: “tomorrow is another day….”
- Be PRO-active, rather than RE-active in creating your new reality. Transitions create a lot of extra stress, whether we choose it ourselves or life throws us curve ball. Unfortunately, what tends to happen when we’re dealing with all of this stress is that we pay attention to whatever new problem presents itself in that moment. And after doing that for a few months, we unwittingly create the habit of reacting to life, rather than creating it. Take this opportunity to be proactive, and to create a life that fulfills and energizes you, rather than one where you’re always “dealing” with the most pressing issue.
Whether you’re planning a big move yourself, dealing with a break-up, or you’ve just had a baby, you’re definitely going through a lot. I hope that keeping these things in mind will help you manage your own transition with a little more ease. I can’t say that even I have been completely successful at following my own advice, but the days I do seem to be a lot easier. Good luck!
I love this post.
Reminding myself that this is just a phase is the best advice you could give someone like me. I run a small business and our household, PLUS I have a 15-month-old with another on the way in 3 months. While we planned for our family, love our son to pieces and are very happy to be parents, nothing fully prepared us for the experience and complete turnaround of our lives.
Sarah, you wrote: "Even when the change is good, we can feel as though things will never be normal again." And that's where I am now. I no longer recognize the person I see in the mirror. My time no longer belongs to me. My body just won't cooperate. Sex is now a chore. And sleep? Ya right! Will I ever feel like a woman again? ARGHHH!!!
So thanks for reminding me that this IS just a transition period, that what I'm feeling is completely normal, and that I'll find the proper balance in time.
Posted by: Cristina | December 06, 2006 at 02:05 AM