New Element of Happy Relationships Revealed

If you're in a long-term relationship, you're probably a pro at figuring out how to deal with conflict.  Anyone who's been in a committed relationship will tell you that you can't really get away with not fighting.  It's just part of the deal.  But since fighting isn't a particularly pleasant way to spend our time, most couples want to know how to get over an argument as quickly as possible.  As a Coach who specializes in helping people improve their relationships, I can tell you this is one of the first things couples want help with. 

But lately, experts are finding that there's something even more important than learning how to repair damage after an argument.  Now we're learning that you should make an effort to be happy for your partner too. 

"...researchers found that it was the partners reactions to their loved ones victories, small and large, that most strongly predicted the strength of the relationships." (For Couples, Reaction to Good News Matters More Than Reaction to Bad, The New York Times, by Benedict Carey, Dec. 5, 2006)

This isn't something people pay much attention to, but it makes a lot of sense.  Imagine coming home with exciting news (you landed that new account you've been working on for months, you finally ran an 8-minute mile, a stranger complimented your new haircut).  And after finally getting a chance to spill the news to your partner, their response is "So what?  Big deal." or "That's not really that great - I run a 7-minute mile."  Puts a damper on your mood pretty quick, right?  (hint: this is usually when one of those aforementioned fights gets going too).

But what if the response was "Really?  You're kidding?!  That's so great!"...  You're immediately validated for feeling happy, and you get to share that happiness with your partner.  You feel like you're partner is in your corner, rooting for you.  They're giving you a few moments to shine.  Not only has the mood been lifted for you both, but you're also reinforcing your connection with each other.

Since positive events usually occur more often than negative ones, this is a quick an easy way for you and your partner to start strengthening your bond now.  And it's a lot more fun too!