Dating Dilemmas: Stuck on a Bad First Date?

The anticipation of a first date is always exciting. Will you click? Will the conversation flow? Will you end up having a long and happy life with this person? The mere thought of it probably gives you butterflies! So what do you do when, lo and behold, you find yourself on a date that’s going downhill fast? Is it possible to salvage the remainder of your evening without being too obvious? Is there a way to get out of it without destroying your date’s dignity? Well, as someone who recently rejoined the wonderful world of dating, here are a few of my thoughts:

What NOT to do:

1. The old “emergency call” trick. You’ve all heard of this one. You have a friend call you mid- way through the date. You claim that there’s been some sort of emergency and that you have to leave immediately. I don’t recommend this tactic, simply because everyone knows about it by now. Plus, I don’t know a whole lot of people who are good enough liars to pull this one off. Your date will be on to you before you hang up the phone.

2. Stand up and scream: “I can’t take it anymore! I’m outta here!” This is going a little overboard. Yes, you could be on the worst date in history. But that’s no reason to make a scene and embarrass your date. Have you heard of karma?

3. Drink excessively. This is actually one of the quickest ways to make a bad situation worse. It’s tempting to say to yourself, “well, if I have to suffer through another 3 hours with this brainless jerk, I may as well get loaded.” It’s a pretty safe bet that you’d end up looking like the fool in this scenario. There’s only one thing worse than being on a bad date, and that’s having your bad date dump you.

4. Act interested. I’m the worst offender when it comes to this tip. Often, even on a horrible date, I won’t want to hurt my date’s feelings (especially if he seems genuinely interested). So I’ll try to look as interested as possible to avoid making him feel rejected. This approach almost always backfires (for obvious reasons).

5. Make up some lie that a) is too outrageous to believe, or b) could come back to bite you later. For example, never tell your date you’re moving to a foreign country and that you’ll stay in touch. I guarantee you’ll run into him within 3 months. . . . And I can promise you, that conversation will be more awkward than a bad first date.

So what should you do instead?

My general rule of thumb is to be honest, but kind. Tell your date that while you think he/she is a terrific person, you’re just not interested in pursuing a relationship with them. Whether you decide to suffer through the entire date is up to you. . . . If it’s not too awful, I always think it’s worth giving it a chance. Sometimes first impressions aren't always accurate. But if you can tell within the first few minutes that you’re just not interested, don’t let it drag on unnecessarily.

Either way, just remember that figuring out what you DON’T want in a partner is just as important as figuring out what you DO want. Consider this a lesson learned, and move on to the next eligible bachelor(ette).