The Difference Between Marital Counseling and Relationship Coaching

“Therapy is about resolving issues from your past. Coaching is you shifting and creating new solutions from the present, so that your future is positively impacted.” – Dottie Berry, Life & Relationship Coach

In the past, relationship counseling has been the solution of choice for many troubled marriages. Couples dealing with insurmountable differences and unrelenting discord have sought out the expertise of a qualified psychologist to help them understand their problems, in order to determine whether there was hope for a future together.

Unfortunately though, by the time couples meet with a counselor, they are disillusioned and cynical about the outcome of the relationship. Yet they feel obligated to try one last resource before deciding to call it quits. In this sense, counseling is considered a last-ditch effort to revive a dying marriage. Couples in this situation don’t need to understand the origin of their problems. Instead, they are looking for immediate relief so they can work together to overcome their problems.

Research shows that what separates couples who divorce from those who stay happily married over the long haul is not love or commitment. Instead, it’s skills – problem solving skills, communication skills, intimacy skills, and so on. Happily married couples experience conflict just as much as couples who divorce. The difference is that happy couples have learned how to resolve their conflict in an effective way.

Luckily, a new trend has emerged in recent years to help couples find the relief they need: relationship coaching. The purpose of coaching is not only to prevent divorce, but to create an even more stable and loving foundation for their union. Coaches assist couples in creating a marriage that is collaborative, passionate, and fulfilling for both individuals.

Using a results-oriented and education-based approach, relationship coaches provide couples in conflict with tools they can use within minutes of leaving the coaching session. Instead of spending weeks or even months in therapy sessions analyzing the past and dissecting their problems to death, couples are encouraged to re-structure their relationship by practicing new ways of relating with each other and changing old patterns of behavior.

Couples who attend coaching:

- Create a shared vision for what they really want their relationship to look like
- Learn how to discuss heated topics in an effective way
- Come to a mutually-agreeable compromise for unresolved issues
- Implement new ways of appreciating their partner’s strengths and unique attributes
- Prioritize their time so the relationship receives the attention and nurturing it deserves
- Identify and overcome the road-blocks keeping them from lasting love
- Balance their personal needs and desires with those of their partner
- Explore current insecurities, fears and trust issues

There are times, however, when it is healthy and even necessary to reflect on our past in order to understand ourselves on a deeper level. In these instances, counseling has many benefits and provides a lot of value. Some situations in which counseling would be a better option may include:

- You don’t necessarily want to change anything about your relationship, but you and/or your partner do want to better understand a past issue or event
- Either you or your partner experienced a painful event in your past, and you are unable to overcome the negative effects of that experience (i.e., abuse, addiction, death of a family member, etc.)
- You and/or your partner are unable to function in day to day life as a result of an unresolved issue (either related or unrelated to the relationship)
- You and/or your partner suffer from a mental health disorder (i.e., depression, anxiety, a personality disorder, etc.)
- You and/or your partner have suicidal thoughts

Overall, the emphasis in relationship coaching is on creating positive interactions with your mate, whereas the emphasis in counseling is on examining events from the past or overcoming an issue that impairs your functioning in daily life. Both approaches to personal growth are useful in different situations, and at times may even be utilized simultaneously. But when the future of your marriage depends on making real changes as soon as possible, give coaching a try – you may be pleasantly surprised!