The Modern Life Survival Guide

Self-Reliance: 7 Tips for Finding Your Strength Within

I've always been a big believer in having an extensive support system. Being able to rely on your loved ones is one of the most powerful tools you can use to get through a difficult time (or to celebrate happy occasions!). But I've noticed a recent trend where we're starting to rely on our "urban tribes" even more than ourselves. Our friends and family become all-powerful sources of wisdom. They help us analyze situations, make decisions and then examine the outcome of those choices. In order to really make it through all of the ups and downs we'll experience throughout our lifetime, it's absolutely critical that we are able to rely on ourselves first. Here are a few ways to make sure your most important relationship, the one with yourself, is as strong as possible.

1. Connect with yourself on a daily basis. With all of the distractions at our fingertips these days, it's so easy to avoid getting in touch with who we really are. But until we know and truly understand ourselves from within, we'll never be strong enough to rely on ourselves. Begin a daily ritual that helps you connect with your deepest feelings, thoughts and values. Do yoga, meditate, read, journal, go for a walk, etc. Whatever you decide to do, spend this time alone with yourself, and try to do it when you won't be interrupted.

2. Embrace your challenges. We all face challenges in life. There's just no getting around it. So why do so many people try to avoid them? What would happen if we just embraced difficult situations, and accepted them as lessons that are coming up to help us grow as individuals? What if it were okay to be uncomfortable? Stop resisting the challenges that come your way, and start looking beyond the surface of the problem. Start allowing difficult situations to open you up to new ways of approaching life.

3. Be patient with yourself. Sometimes we're pretty clear on how to overcome our challenges, and other times we don't have the first clue. When you find yourself in the middle of a difficult situation, try to resist the temptation to react as quickly as possible in order to restore comfort in your life. Resisting your difficulties only makes them more pronounced. But truly experiencing your challenges and working through them will help you overcome them for good. Be patient and allow the right solution to arise when it's time. Trust that you can survive this challenge.

4. Get support from others, but take it all with a grain of salt. No one else on this planet knows you the way you know yourself. No one else has had your experiences. No one else understands your exact perspective on the world. They all see the world from their own vantage point. Getting advice or seeking clarity from people you trust is a helpful tool to use in coming up with the right solution to a problem. But in the end, no one else can live your life for you. Make sure you keep in touch with what you ultimately want, not what others think is best for you.

5. Follow your intuition. How can you make sure you're approaching a problem in the best way possible? The most effective tool I've found is my intuition. It's easy to get caught up in other people's opinions about life and to second-guess your natural reactions, but once you learn to trust your instincts, you'll find that you're led down the right path more often than not.

6. Take ownership of your choices. It's easy to look outside of ourselves for the cause of our current reality. But every single choice you've made in your life has led you to where you are today. On the surface it seems easier to blame outside influences for our plight. But here's a secret: taking ownership of your choices allows you to regain control of your life. By taking responsibility for your choices, you get to make new ones that will allow you to create the reality you really want in the future.

7. Get in the driver's seat. Ultimately, you are the only one in this world who can create your ideal life. Relying on yourself means trusting yourself above all others, following your heart and owning your responsibility to make this life as amazing as possible. Take charge of your life and make sure you're the one making the final decisions.

Letting Go: Steps to Moving On From Your Past

If you've been reading my column over the last few months, you'll know that I've been through quite a bit of transition lately. I relocated across the country (twice!). I moved into a new condo with a new roommate. I live in a new town. I have a new career, new friends, new hangouts, new hobbies. . . . when I look back at the life I was leading just six months ago, I can't believe how different everything is - how different I am. I barely recognize the life I used to lead.

But lately I've noticed that even though all of the external parts of my life have changed, my internal responses are still intact. The phrase "old habits die hard" has certainly been true for me. I find that when I run into challenges, my first reaction is to respond the way I used to. Except now those responses just don't fit. I find that I can't just jump right back into my old career when my new one is difficult. I can't just run back to my old relationship when I get lonely. And I can't just head to the beach when I need to clear my head. I've moved on, for better or worse.

So the question that keeps coming up for me lately is: how does one let go of their past? How can we release patterns of behavior (and thoughts, and beliefs) that once served us, but that no longer work under new circumstances? Everyone goes through changes in their lives. So how can we make sure our personal development is keeping up with our external environment?

1) Pay attention when you're struggling. Since I had been on auto-pilot for so long, I didn't even realize at first that I was reacting to my new life the same way I had reacted to my old one. Then one day I realized that I was struggling in areas of my life that had always worked before. It took me a little while, but I finally figured out that I was struggling because I was trying to solve new problems with old solutions, which just didn't apply anymore.

2) Surrendering to the inevitable. Once I realized that I would have to let go of what was very familiar to me (my way of dealing with the world), I panicked. I tried to hold on to those beliefs and those behaviors for just a little while longer. I knew what I was doing wasn't working, but at that point my old, familiar approach was more comforting to me than learning new ways of living. But after a while, I realized that learning new ways of being was necessary in order to truly let go of the past and move into a more fulfilling future.

3) Replacing the old habits with new ones. It's not enough to just stop unwanted behavior. Once you know what you want to release from your life, try replacing your old habits with newer, more appropriate ones. Get creative and experiment. Transition periods are stressful, but they can also be a lot of fun! Re-invent yourself. Come up with a new plan for dealing with your daily life. And look to who you want to become in the future to guide you in the right direction.