Letting Go: Steps to Moving On From Your Past

If you've been reading my column over the last few months, you'll know that I've been through quite a bit of transition lately. I relocated across the country (twice!). I moved into a new condo with a new roommate. I live in a new town. I have a new career, new friends, new hangouts, new hobbies. . . . when I look back at the life I was leading just six months ago, I can't believe how different everything is - how different I am. I barely recognize the life I used to lead.

But lately I've noticed that even though all of the external parts of my life have changed, my internal responses are still intact. The phrase "old habits die hard" has certainly been true for me. I find that when I run into challenges, my first reaction is to respond the way I used to. Except now those responses just don't fit. I find that I can't just jump right back into my old career when my new one is difficult. I can't just run back to my old relationship when I get lonely. And I can't just head to the beach when I need to clear my head. I've moved on, for better or worse.

So the question that keeps coming up for me lately is: how does one let go of their past? How can we release patterns of behavior (and thoughts, and beliefs) that once served us, but that no longer work under new circumstances? Everyone goes through changes in their lives. So how can we make sure our personal development is keeping up with our external environment?

1) Pay attention when you're struggling. Since I had been on auto-pilot for so long, I didn't even realize at first that I was reacting to my new life the same way I had reacted to my old one. Then one day I realized that I was struggling in areas of my life that had always worked before. It took me a little while, but I finally figured out that I was struggling because I was trying to solve new problems with old solutions, which just didn't apply anymore.

2) Surrendering to the inevitable. Once I realized that I would have to let go of what was very familiar to me (my way of dealing with the world), I panicked. I tried to hold on to those beliefs and those behaviors for just a little while longer. I knew what I was doing wasn't working, but at that point my old, familiar approach was more comforting to me than learning new ways of living. But after a while, I realized that learning new ways of being was necessary in order to truly let go of the past and move into a more fulfilling future.

3) Replacing the old habits with new ones. It's not enough to just stop unwanted behavior. Once you know what you want to release from your life, try replacing your old habits with newer, more appropriate ones. Get creative and experiment. Transition periods are stressful, but they can also be a lot of fun! Re-invent yourself. Come up with a new plan for dealing with your daily life. And look to who you want to become in the future to guide you in the right direction.