I can’t get away from this topic these days. It seems everyone I talk to lately has had it with being single. They claim that all of their friends are in lovey-dovey romantic relationships and they feel left out. They want love and companionship too! As someone who’s spent most of my adult life learning how to love being single, here’s what helped me get through those days when all I wanted was to find that special someone.
1) Wallow in self-pity every once in a while. I know - you probably weren’t expecting this as tip number one. But sometimes you just need to accept how you’re feeling, however sad and depressing it seems. Being single against your will can feel unfair, and it can be exhausting trying to maintain that “everything’s just great!” attitude with your friends. So go ahead – when you’re feeling alone and sad about your single status, feel free to light some candles, blast some Dido and devote a little time to wishing you could toss all of those happy couples off the highest peak of Mt. Timpanogos.
2) Embrace your freedom. Once you’ve had the time and space to feel sorry for yourself, I promise you it’ll get old. This is when you might consider the fact that you’re actually pretty lucky - you get to live your life on your terms. Feel like hiking at the Canyons with your best friend? Go for it! Want to flirt with the hot guy at the Alpine Internet Cafe? No problem! Since being single isn’t something you have a whole lot of control over, you may as well take advantage of your situation and enjoy it as much as possible - by doing exactly what you want to do.
3) Date for fun… not for a relationship. When I was single, I spent most of my time on dates analyzing the potential for a relationship. Every question I asked was to determine whether this person was “marriage material.” Did he have a steady job with a healthy income? Did he have a history of cheating on his girlfriends? Was he respectful of his mother? But after a while I realized that dating felt like a chore. Who cares if he flossed twice a day? It finally dawned on me that I could just go out and have fun.
Park City attracts people from all over the world. When they move to our cozy little town they are usually in the midst of an adventure and probably have plenty of fun stories for you. So try approaching a night out on Main Street as an opportunity to get to know your ever-changing community, rather than as a relationship-hunting expedition.
4) Get over the fantasy. I’ve found that one of the biggest reasons why most singles hate being single is that they are relying on the Cinderella fantasy to come through for them. They get wrapped up in the daydream that a new relationship is going to rescue them from whatever they dislike about themselves or their lives. If this is you, beware! Waiting around for Prince Charming to deliver an issue-free life of happiness, stability and excitement is just adding to the pressure you feel to find the perfect relationship (which, by the way, doesn’t exist). So instead, try asking yourself “how am I expecting a relationship to improve my life?” And then start working on improving those things now, regardless of your relationship status. You need to be happy and satisfied with your life on your own before you’ll ever experience lasting love.
Being single isn’t a life sentence. At some point, you’re going to be in a relationship if you really want to. And once you are, you’re going to have a lot less time to focus on yourself. So take this opportunity to do everything you’ve always wanted to do – i.e., finish up that college degree, travel through Europe, learn transcendental meditation… do whatever appeals to you. Go create the life you’re waiting to have with a partner, and I promise finding a relationship will stop being such a huge priority. There is a whole world out there to experience, and you don’t need a significant other to enjoy it. So go for it already!
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