It’s no secret that women like to talk about relationships (um, hello? I made a whole career of it). And I suppose most of what we females discuss could be classified as ‘drama’: the jerk who didn’t call, who’s breaking up with whom, the big fight the perfect couple had, etc. The list could go on and on. But when I started talking about this topic with a few of my guy friends, I became enlightened. Guys apparently talk about their relationships too. Except they have a positive spin on relationship drama – they think drama can be a good thing.
Okay, yes. I suppose I can agree with that. Who hasn’t gotten excited after a great first date, or when their new crush called to say hello? I certainly have. And for those of you who are engaged or happily married, I imagine the moment your significant other proposed or the day you walked down the aisle was somewhat dramatic. So what’s the difference between ‘good’ drama and ‘bad’ drama? And how can you create more ‘good’ drama in your relationships, and release the hold ‘bad’ drama has on you?
Defining Good v. Bad Drama
First of all, let’s discuss the difference between good relationship drama and bad relationship drama. Good drama contributes to growth in your relationship. When you and your partner engage in drama, it serves to open the door to a stronger bond between the two of you. Good drama encourages you to open your mind and your heart so you can approach your relationship in a new way. It helps you both explore new perspectives, and allows you to connect in new ways. It may not always be easy or fun, but good drama is a key factor in facilitating healthy long-term change in your relationship (and by extension, in your life).
Bad relationship drama, on the other hand, is a source of pain. It makes you feel worse about yourself. It causes you to second-guess your intuition, your self-worth and your ability to open your heart to others. Bad relationship drama keeps you in a state of frustration, fear and withholding. And while it may appear to be interesting for a while, bad drama never fails to leave you in a negative state. If you find yourself feeling anxious, annoyed or contentious with your partner on a regular basis, or if your fights are no longer productive, you are definitely experiencing bad relationship drama.
Tips for Eliminating Bad Drama and Creating Good Drama
There was a time in my life when I was content experiencing bad drama in my life, and I admit I even resisted eliminating it completely. It turns out this is a common habit. Physiologically, we become fueled by the exhilaration of extreme feelings (whether they’re negative or positive), and then we can become addicted to those emotional highs. But once you realize that the turmoil you’re dealing with isn’t worth it, you’ll know you’re ready to forgo all of that bad drama to make room for the good drama in your life. And here’s how you can do it (special thanks to Bill from NYC, Ms. Stacy M., and a couple of boys who can only be referred to as The Earl and The Duke, who helped me generate these tips for you):
1) Consider the ways in which you allow bad drama into your relationships. Are you only attracted to ‘bad boys’? Do you get a charge from picking fights with your girlfriend? Do you thrive on the attention you get when you create drama in your relationships? Once you know how you invite bad drama into your life, you’ll become more aware of your contribution to it. Knowing where it comes from (and taking ownership of it) is half the battle.
2) Begin making healthier choices. If you’re truly committed to eradicating bad drama from your life, make the conscious choice to stop allowing people in your life who trigger that drama in you. Start surrounding yourself with people who bring happiness into your life instead (by the way, this goes for romantic relationships, as well as friendships, relationships with family, co-workers, etc.). Be at ease with yourself and find peace in having consistency in your interactions with others. Choose to address potentially ‘dramatic’ situations in an honest and constructive way in order to minimize drama in the future.
3) Shift your focus from the drama to yourself. For some people, dealing with negative drama becomes a way of life. They get stuck in a powerful cycle of focusing on what isn’t working in their lives, and transfer those feelings to their relationships. To get out of this negative pattern, start focusing on creating a life that you love. Once you begin making positive changes for yourself, you simply won’t have the patience for bad drama in your relationships – you’ll be too busy enjoying your life!
It can be hard to let go of the excitement that bad drama brings to our lives. Some people have seemingly ‘perfect’ lives, and still can’t completely eliminate drama. What you can do, however, is recognize the negative impact ‘bad drama’ has on your personal growth. Appreciate who you are as a person and resist negative situations that detract from your happiness. Create a life that is full of expansive, productive and joyous experiences. You alone have the power to use good drama to make strides in your life. So get on it!
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