As the winter season gets under way in Park City, I’m reminded of what it means to live (and date) in a resort town where making a love connection has a deadline. For most of you reading this right now, you’ve got T-minus four months to find a great relationship before heading back to the southern hemisphere for another round of winter in a new locale. Not an easy task. So many people to meet, so little time! So when you start dating someone new, how can you tell if it will last? How do you know whether it’s worth investing more time and energy, or if you should cut your losses and move on to the next eligible bachelor(ette)? Here are a few clues that your relationship is worth holding on to:
1) Being with your new special someone doesn’t change who you are. Every relationship is different, but most follow the same general path: attraction, familiarity, conflict, stability and finally, true commitment. In the beginning stage of any relationship, we naturally focus on what we have in common with our partner. It’s our way of building a solid bond that can survive the following stages. However, many people go overboard and start taking on their partner’s interests, opinions, friends and attitudes. So as you get to know your new flame, remember to keep in touch yourself, your needs, your hobbies, your values… celebrate the unique qualities that make you undeniably you.
2) You want to improve who you are. Okay, I’ll amend that last tip. Actually, being with the right person will change you. It’s inevitable (you knew that). BUT (and here’s the rub), it should cause you to change yourself, and in a positive way. Being with the right person will encourage you to make adjustments in your life to reflect who you ultimately want to be. When you’re in a relationship that will last, you’re motivated to stay focused on your own personal growth, and the right partner will be supportive of that. Bottom line: a relationship that lasts contributes to you becoming the best version of yourself.
3) You’re in the relationship for the right reasons. I’ve always been convinced that a relationship is a wonderful way to distract yourself from your own worries. It takes time away from having to sit still and do the hard work on your own life. And (bonus!) there’s an emotional pay-off to criticizing your partner on all of the things they do wrong – it makes you feel better about your own personal shortfalls. So many people are out looking for a relationship because they want to fill some deep, dark void in their life. However, when you’re in a relationship that will last, you actually spend more time appreciating all of the good qualities that your partner brings to your life. You laugh a lot more. You’re lighter, calmer, and more accepting of your partner. You actually have fun with your partner, because you don’t have an ulterior motive for being in the relationship to begin with.
I’ll be the first to admit, I don’t have an overwhelming number of real-life models for a supremely happy and long-lasting relationship. However, the ones I do know share this common characteristic: they view their relationship as a resource rather than a barrier to a happy life. Their partner is their best friend, their confidante, the person they want to share significant events with. If you are lucky enough to meet someone who embodies these traits, then hold on tight – you’re on the road to a lasting relationship!
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